The Little Box I Stuck on My Knee During Chiefs Games

The first time I used the AUVON was a Sunday in February, third quarter of a Chiefs game, and my left knee had that hot poker feeling that means I have been sitting too long and standing up is going to be a negotiation. The box was on the end table next to my recliner, where it has lived ever since, charger plugged in behind it. I stuck the pads on, sat back, and missed the next two plays fooling with the buttons.

That is the AUVON 24-mode TENS unit. It is a handheld stimulator, 5.87 by 3.19 by 2.44 inches and 7.05 ounces, with adhesive gel pads that stick to your skin and wires that run from the pads to the unit. It runs on a rechargeable lithium battery that comes with it, which matters more than I expected. I have had mine about nine months now, since February, and I use it 20 to 30 minutes in the evening, low intensity, a few nights a week.

I did not buy it off the internet on a whim. My orthopedist is the one who said a TENS unit was reasonable to try for the osteoarthritis in my left knee, and my physical therapist showed me where the pads go. Around the kneecap, never on it. She was particular about that. I am not a doctor and I am not going to pretend this thing is one. Ask yours before you start, and if you have a pacemaker or anything going on with your heart, ask twice, because it is not for everybody.

Here is what it actually feels like, because the box does not tell you and most reviews say the same vague things. It is a buzzing, fluttery feeling, like a phone vibrating against your skin, only steady. It is not a massage. It does not knead anything. The first night I turned it up too high and it felt like a bug crawling on the inside of my leg, and I turned it right back down. Low is where I stay.

Twenty-four modes is a lot of modes. I use about three of them. My PT said pick one that feels pleasant and leave it alone, so that is what I do, and I could not tell you what the other twenty-one are for. There is a power indicator on the unit so you know where you stand on the battery, and it charges off a cord instead of eating AA batteries every other week.

And here is the part I want to be straight about, because I have read enough of these pages to know when somebody is selling. It does not make the arthritis go away. Nothing does. My knee still pops on the stairs between floors in this split-level and still complains after a morning at the lake. What the AUVON does is buy me twenty quiet minutes in the recliner in the evening, and by the end of them the ache has settled enough that I can get up and let Tater out without making a face.

It does not make the arthritis go away. Nothing does. It buys me twenty quiet minutes in the recliner, and by the end of them I can get up and let the dog out without making a face.

The pads are the part that wears out. They are adhesive gel, and they hold up for a good while, but eventually they pick up lint and stop sticking, and that is when you replace them. Store them somewhere clean and they last longer. Nobody told me that the first month and I wasted a set.

Where it falls short, besides the obvious. You are tethered. There are wires from the pads to the unit, so the unit sits in my lap or on the arm of the recliner and I am not wandering the house with it. I do not wear it in the pool at the Y, in the shower, on the jon boat, or in bed. It is a chair thing. And the relief does not last forever. Some nights I get a couple hours of quiet out of it. Some nights I get up and go get the ice pack instead, and that is the truth.

Which is the other thing worth saying. This is one piece of a routine, not the whole routine. I wear a compression sleeve on walks with Tater. I have a brace for fishing days, for getting in and out of the boat and standing on the dock. I ice after. The TENS unit is the evening piece, the one that helps me sit still long enough to doze off in the chair like an old man, which I am. If you are looking for one thing that does all of it, you will be disappointed, and it will not be the unit's fault.

Carol notices before I do. She is the one who says put that thing on your knee when I am limping around the kitchen after a walk. She has no knee trouble of her own, so she gets to be objective about it. Nine months in, I would say she is right more often than I am, which she would tell you is the story of our marriage.

What I'd Tell You If We Were Sitting at My Kitchen Table

I would tell you to ask your doctor or your physical therapist first, and I would mean it, not as the fine print at the bottom of a page. I would tell you a TENS unit is not a fix, and if somebody sells it to you as one, walk away from that person. I would tell you the first week is a lot of fiddling with buttons and figuring out where the pads sit best on your particular knee, and that the fiddling is worth it once you land on a setting you like.

And I would tell you what I told my neighbor when he asked across the fence: try it and see whether the feeling agrees with you, because some folks put the pads on and hate the buzz. I like it. That is not a thing a product page can tell you about yourself. For me the AUVON earned its spot on the end table and it has stayed there through nine months and a lot of Chiefs games, most of which were worse for my blood pressure than my knee ever was.